Powerless by Lauren Roberts

4.5/5 stars

SPOILERS AHEAD

I forgot how much I enjoyed this book the first time I read it, and it didn't disappoint the second time. This was a reread in anticipation of the third book in the series and I did a combination of audiobook and reading, and I have to say that it was really fun. I sometimes have a hard time with male narrators because I get the ick from them really easily (sorry to everyone who loves Teddy Hamilton, his voice is kind of cringy to me), but Chase Brown was SO good. He really brought Kai to life for me and had the perfect, flirty tone to make Kai and Paedyn's interactions as tense as they were in my mind.

I rated this 4 stars the first time I read it, and I think I have to increase my rating to 4.5 this time around. Yes, it is very trope heavy and yes, it's basically the same as every other games and trials romantic fantasy book around, but it's done well and there's a reason that these kinds of books are successful. This one specifically is what you would get if you combined The Hunger Games with Psych. Paedyn is our own little badass Shawn Spencer if he killed people and had to compete in trials and gets stuck in a love triangle with two brothers and Gus was one of those brothers... How could that not be the most entertaining plot ever?

I love Paedyn "men would likely go extinct without women to coddle them" Gray's sassy, aggressive personality and how Kai always pushes it right back to her. Admittedly, I have to ignore that they're like 18 years old, because that's the only way I can be as obsessed with these characters as I am. And because no 18 year old is going around killing people and winning trials. It's one of my biggest issues with suspending my disbeliefs in books like this, so I always just add about 5-10 years to their ages.

Kai and Paedyn's banter and flirting is so much fun to read. As someone who shows affection by lightly bullying the people I love, I relate to their relationship so well, because the back and forth and all of the teasing is exactly what I love in a partner. Kai is just as sassy as Paedyn is, but he's also so unbelievably charming, and could obviously only have been written by a woman because oh my god the things he says would have me turning into a puddle of mush right in front of him. And throughout the entire book, all of the tension and longing and jealousy, they never even kissed once. I actually felt myself turn into that puddle every time Kai would flirt or intentionally make Paedyn angry in order to distract her from a panic attack or a dead body or an injury and how it worked every single time. Every time he would say something like the classic "eyes on me" or "who did this to you" or said he loved when she was violent with him I understood Paedyn's conflicting feelings more and more. He's so goofy and playful but so tortured and hurt on the flip side. He literally, physically beats her up, throwing punches and cutting her with knives or throwing her to the ground one moment (which I found much hotter than I should, I hate to admit), and then dances with her in the forest in the middle of a trial in another. Asking each other about their favorite colors (him realizing his is blue because of the color of her eyes, kill me now) and fruits and desserts to keep each other distracted, giving her all of the healing salve even though he was injured too, bringing her porridge with blueberries because he knows she loved them, COUNTING THE NUMBER OF FRECKLES ON HER FACE I MEAN COME ON. The day I find a man who (tries to) count the number of freckles on my face because he loves me so much, that's the day I know I've passed into the afterlife because oh my god that is so romantic.

Now, the jealousy… the pain that you can feel radiating from Kai when Paedyn is even just talking with Kitt is so palpable that you can't help but feel for him. Especially because of how much he loves Kitt and how hard it is not to fall in love with Kitt because he's just as charming and such a good person. This is a potentially controversial opinion, but there are times where I love Kitt just as much as Kai. I'm a sucker for a golden retriever of a man, and god help me, but I love a blonde man too. I live for the tension between the three of them. My love for Kitt is also the reason that I would be tempted to swing on Paedyn if I ever saw her in real life. Sweet angel Kitt trusted her so much and she betrayed him so entirely. Made him feel for her, trust her, probably even love her, just to get information out of him. He deserved everything good in the world and he's so deeply hurt ad cold in the epilogue that I can't help but hate Paedyn a bit for what she did. To Kai too, of course, but Kitt is just so good and pure that him being hurt so deeply cuts different.

Lauren Roberts definitely didn't shy away from killing people off, which I always appreciate. Granted, none of the characters that were killed off were necessarily main characters, but they were still important to the main characters. Kitt loved his father, Paedyn loved Adena, and Kai loved Paedyn and they were all betrayed or hurt by or lost those people. It provides a lot of background for what happens moving forward with all of their stories. Especially that final blow the king dealt to Paedyn right before he died, that Kai was the one who killed her father.

Here are just a couple of my favorite moments from the man with one of the smoothest mouths ever written:

"And I'll save your life again and again, aimlessly hoping you will allow me to stay in it."

"Oh, darling, I look forward to it."

"Careful, darling. You almost look as if you care."

"I knew you thought I was pretty."

"I knew you wanted me, Gray."

"Remind me to make you smile like that again, when you aren't dying, and I have all the time in the world to memorize it."

"You can leave me to bleed out if you must. Because I only want your hands all over me if you want them to be."

"Watched? Darling, I never stopped."

"Darling, I doubt that the sight of someone dying would affect me as much as you do alive and well."

"I think I notice everything do. So, no."

"I love when you threaten to kill me, do you know that? Because every time you don't, it only proves that don't want to."

"You told me that I could youch you when I was sober. But I'm never sober around you, Pae. Never not drunk on every detail that is you."

"I meant what I said. I can't take my eyes off you. I can't take my mind off you."

"Will you forever be the prize I am aimlessly trying to win?"

God, if you're real and men like this exist... just gently toss one in my direction, please.

Very excited to reread the second one and read the third one, and I'm praying that my heart stays in one piece.