Beautiful World, Where are You by Sally Rooney

3.5/5 stars

SPOILERS AHEAD

This is the third Sally Rooney book I've read, and I have to say it's my least favorite. Now the bar is really high when it comes to Sally Rooney books, because there's simply no way you can top Normal People, and Conversations with Friends was a close second place, so this book was up against some heavy hitters.

I didn't quite get that full nostalgic, gut wrenching vibe I got from her other books, but I still enjoyed it. I think this one was just a bit extra heavy on the political jargon and Christianity talk for me. Although Alice getting in trouble for calling a professor a fascist pig was undoubtedly hilarious and relatable to me on a personal level (especially now...).

Sally Rooney has a special way of writing that makes me see myself in her characters and I always end up doing a lot of self reflection as I go through her books. The feeling of being the kind of person that your soulmate would fall out of love with after a few years becuase they just get bored of you put words to a fear that I've always had about myself but never quite been able to pin down in so many words. Hitting the age of 30 and not being able to have any happy relationships to look back on is also another fear that I have, especially only having a couple of years and a lot of of failed relationships behind me until I hit that point. It's scary to look at your life the older you get and realize that you've spent so much of your time in unhappy relationships and letting people treat you terribly.

That's something that I've noticed in Sally Rooney's books overall. All of her characters seem to struggle with feelings of low self-worth, but her female characters especially tend to let their partners treat them so terribly. Felix was without a doubt one of the most frustrating, awful characters I've ever read. He was so unbelievably horrible to Alice, truly so cruel in the way he spoke to her, but she just... let him. He literally told her that no one cared about her, and said that he didn't love her right after they had sex and she told him she loved him. And I understand that he's a deeply flawed person himself, but those are such harsh ways to speak to someone who is clearly so vulnerable.

One of the main issues people tend to have with Sally Rooney's writing is that her characters are generally unlikeable, which is true, but it tends to endear me towards them more than anything. That wasn't really the case with Felix. I think his character made me take a deeper look at my past relationships and the way that I've let my ex-partners speak to me and treat me, and I saw a lot of those behaviors in Felix. He got a lot of sick joy out of starting issues between Alice, Eileen, and Simon, and tearing Alice down because he's so insecure himeslf. I don't know, it just made me feel very angry. At Felix for being so deplorable, at Alice for letting it happen, and maybe even at myself for wanting Alice to stand up for herself because I never did either.

I really enjoyed Eileen and Simon's story, and Simon's conversation with Eileen at the end really made me think. Telling her that he's never going to be the person to chase and making her understand that sometimes we're drawn to people who won't give us what we need. How a lot of times we push people away in the hopes that they beg us not to, just to feel like we're wanted. I realize that I do this all the time. It's easier to push people away but there's a part of me that always wants them to beg me not to, just to validate the fact that they actually want to stay.

I love the way her writing is always so cavalier about depression and mental health. It makes it seem like such a natural part of human nature, because truthfully it is. There's no stigma or grandstanding about it, it just is. All of her characters struggle with some kind of mental health issue and it makes them feel so human and relatable.

The one thing I could have done without was the emails back and forth between Alice and Eileen. They seemed to just drag on and not really add much to the story for me, other than a lot of political and religious pondering that I couldn't really have cared less about. This was also the first of her books that I've read that has given us some sort of difinitive happy ending, with Felix and Alice and Simon and Eileen seeming to be together down the line. I don't know if I like the open ending or this kind of wrap up better.

Also, the COVID lockdown jumpscare at the end! Brought me back to the lockdown days, and that all felt like a fever dream.

Every time I read one of Sally Rooney's books I feel like I need to go to therapy to unpack the things I learn about myself. That's probably a good thing, but who knows if I'll actually do it. Tbd.